Rambling Thought not-edited

I have no drive. I see videos and work on the web and remember. I feel that spark. But that is all it is. And I don't want to discourage anyone. I'm feeling this, but I also know that I can bring back what once was. 


I just have to search for what it is that had made me want to create in the past. Or what it is that just made me want to get up and do things. 


It is the second day of the new year. Tomorrow is work. Four-day week. Sure. But I'm waiting for that anxiety that comes just before starting. And I realize that some of that anxiety is from not having done what I had set out to do over the weekend. So frustrating. 


But I had made a plan to put up what I was thinking and this is what is coming to my mind now. Of course, I had paragraphs typed out on a Word document. But some things I cringe at. And they are boring, or repetitive. And until I feel comfortable with just throwing up nonsense (which I had said I would do as part of that practice) then that will have to linger on those almost forgotten self-electronic posts. 


I had typed something to the effect of how I didn't really like the post I did a couple back. It is buried a bit, but not actually. Though, it is also cryptic. This is also why it is good not to have a lot of people who you know read your work. But even then, someday some of them will. 


What I had thought about was how feelings/thoughts/ideas/rants and such can go up into smoke as fast as it took for me to write them. That's the beauty of life. Some things never change (as the saying goes), but we all still change to some degree. 


It is good to get out emotions and feelings and write about them or make videos, draw, or whatever your creative outlet is. 


I look at old video games, retro games, and remember when I wanted to be a part of that. Growing up they played such a huge role in my survival. And I wanted to be a part of that, the geekiness, so bad. I look back on those days in yearning and with emotion, yet I enjoy the games. Even the ones I never had an opportunity to play. At this age it may be too late for me to get involved in that, in programing. But who knows. 


I am a writer. I draw. Drawing used to relax me. I don't feel I have time now for anything and that is rediculous. I need an outlet. I have to see what I do. 


Well, this is getting long and before I decide to copy and paste this to a Word document neer to be seen, let me post it up and get to the next train of thought. Who knows, maybe more will come later. 


Talk soon. 


WCM 






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