A Horse And Water

12/30/2022

A lot not getting posted haha. But that's ok. I'm trying to reach my goal of at least one a day. Plus, this is therapy for me as well. To get things off my chest. Things I don't usually say out loud. Things I don't want to think about because they aren't the type of things you want to think about. Sometimes.

 

I've made this so as not to imply anyone. It's just something eating me at the moment, and I want to write about it. Get it off my chest.

 

There is a person. I'll leave it at that. This person I love very much. I don't blame this person for certain things, as times were very hard and quite a few bad things were happening at that point in time where "certain things" needed help with. There, I'll leave it at that. 

 

I just hate that I try to help this person, I try to give solutions, to the best of my current ability, and they are not taken. Now sure, I may be able to push the boundaries a bit, but why? So I can put a band-aid on a wound of another that will just be ripped off anyway and then I'll need bandaging myself? I'm sorry, but no. I can't.

 

I try my best, and that is usually a great deal when compared to what others would do, and that's that. I guess that's why I hate that phrase it is what it is. It could fit into this moment quite well. And I COULD do something, but like I said, in detriment to my own goals. I can't have that.

 

My solution is to help you fix your life--it can be done--and not have mine fall apart. One: so I can obviously take care of my family and not have a nervous breakdown because I don't have the resources to do it and two: so I can help the person I'm trying to help and continue to help them efficiently. If I burn off my resources (whatever that may be) then I won't be able to continue helping anyone, including myself... And that's just not going to happen--at least if I can help it.

 

I don't like to think like this, but it's rational. If it was a life-or-death situation, that is different. But it's not. It maybe can lead to it, but currently, it is not.

 

There are other factors that come into play that I wish not to discuss at this point, but let's just say my plan is the path of least resistance for all. And it's tossed aside.

 

The old saying you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink applies to this situation. I would lap it up. And be thankful. And if I didn't want it, I'd have said so from the start. But that's me.

 

My solutions are there. But I must set boundaries. Otherwise, I risk falling off the cliff trying to hold on to the hand that tossed all my solutions aside.

 

I'm not turning away. But I can only do what I can do.

 

Well. That's that. Now bring on the New Year. Talk soon.

 

WCM

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